Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Bit of Background

I use the term "mother" loosely because I don't consider the woman to be my mother. My younger brother and I went to live with her, her husband, and her two children when I was three. My adoption wasn't final until I was twelve, for some reason, and I've never gotten a straight answer from anyone, including the state foster care/adoption system. So my brother and I were foster children for nine years, and we had maybe one caseworker visit after we were dropped off for the first time. I am a supporter of adoption and foster parenting, but my own experience in the system didn't turn out so well. I suffered physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, and medical neglect as a foster/adopted child.

The "parents" of mine were the "good on paper" kind. Nice house, married, two kids already, big yard, stable income, avid churchgoers, and so on. What didn't show to the untrained eye was new mommy's temper and all-around craziness. As it turns out, new mommy was crazier than a shithouse rat.

I cut contact with all of my "family" in 2006. After years of trying to have a healthy relationship with the parent-entities, I learned that they were abusive to my children. That did it. I haven't spoken to anyone of them since August 2006, and I only wish I had done it years earlier.

4 comments:

PWC said...

This is interesting background, thanks for sharing. I think I forget that adopted kids are abused, too.

I don't know if you've come across this blog: Narcissistic Parents!!!. The author, Nina, was adopted by Narcissists and she writes very openly (and very well) about her experiences.

She doesn't seem to be as active as she was, but the archives are available.

Sweetness said...

Thanks for that other blog info! I'm reading it now, and I had not known about it already. Many people forget that adopted children can be abused. The numbers tend to be lower, but that may just be because the reporting is lower. Who knows?

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm sorry if this is intrusive but I just found your blog and have been reading it, I am wondering what happened to your younger brother? Your "real" brother where is he? I'm just wondering if he received the same treatment and if you have any relationship with him now.

Sweetness said...

Not intrusive at all. I haven't spoken to him either. He's very attached to the family, and I hated to put him in a terrible loyalty bind, mainly because NAM would constantly pump him for information about where we are and would make his life hell. Otherwise he has it good. He was treated very well so he probably has no complaints. Thanks for reading!