This one may take a while.
Like most Narcissists, NAM has, shall we say, a rather distorted view of things. If you get to know an N very well, you see that there's something rather odd about their thinking. They have strange ideas, and if you dare correct them or express a different opinion, or, god forbid, show indifference to something they're sure is a life-or-death situation, then you'd better start sleeping with one eye open. Sure, they may not chop you up into little pieces and serve you with a side of fries, but they will harm you physically if you're not careful. God forbid you have an allergy to something. The narcissist will deliberately put whatever it is into your food, on your clothing, or anywhere you least expect, and the scary thing is that they can lie so easily and claim that they didn't know you were allergic, or that it was an accident. If their lies fail to convince, they'll claim that you made it all up, and that you're faking your allergy just to "punish" them for something when all they did was try to "help" you. Why do you have to be so sensitive?
So onto their strange ways...
1. If there's something they don't know about, then it doesn't exist. If they haven't heard of it, then it's information that is of no use to them. And if they catch you trying to learn something new that they haven't shown you themselves, then you must think you're "better" than everyone else.
2. If you have a different opinion about something or have different preferences, you're judging them for their opinions and preferences. It could be as simple as preferring dark chocolate to milk or taking a shower in the morning instead of a tub bath at night. If you like certain TV shows, and they don't, or if they haven't heard of your favorite shows, then you're judging them. It must be nice to watch TV all the time. No wonder your house is always a mess.
3. Their sense of style, whether it's fashion, decorating, hair, make-up, etc. is skewed and is usually several years behind the times. True, there are many people who don't keep up with the latest trends, but they are aware that they don't. The N will claim that what they're doing is the best in the world, and if you dare do differently, watch out! Then you're criticizing them, attacking them, or trying to sabotage them. Or you're trying to make them look bad to other people because you didn't do what they did when you clearly knew that their way was the only way. If you read magazines or books that talk about fashion or decorating, then they chastise you for it, especially if you put any of the advice into action. Then they'll say something like, "It must be nice to have all that time on your hands. I don't have time to read books and magazines to see how to make beds." Or put on eyeshadow, or organize a pantry. How dare you try to improve yourself and try new things?
4. They tend to be freakishly neat. And you had better clean the same way they do. And don't you dare show them a new cleaning product or describe a method they don't use. Then you're telling them that they don't clean properly, or that their house is dirty. I remember when Clorox wipes came out, and I bought a tub of them for myself and one for NAM. I thought she would like the convenience because I knew she liked to keep things clean on a daily basis. You know, like keeping the bathroom wiped up so it doesn't get as dirty and the weekly cleaning is easier? Oh, but no! She claimed I was trying to tell her that she didn't know how to clean, and she said, "Are you trying to tell me my bathrooms are dirty?" And, of course, she launched into a tirade about the times she came over to my house and things weren't cleaned up, or I had laundry that needed to be folded.
5. They tend to have strange views about religion. I'm not a churchgoer myself, but I was forced to attend while I lived with my parents and was chastised for not going every time the doors were opened, after I moved out. After I had children, OMG, the fact that I wasn't taking them to church was, to her, as bad as starving them or sending them on a trainride straight to hell. She used to tell my children that I was going to hell, and, the freaky Baptist that she is, would tell them frequently, "Tell your mommy you want to be baptised." She HATED that my children weren't baptised when her other grandchildren of the right age were. She made me get baptised when I was five, and she loved the attention she got from having the youngest child to be baptised at the church. And don't you go letting your baby get "sprinkled." A ticket straight to hell it is. And don't you know that Catholicism is a "cult?" And any denomination that doesn't condemn alcohol is influenced by "the devil."
6. Her children are supposed to be just like each other--and just like her. She was "so hurt" that I was the only one of her children that didn't listen to American Family Radio. You know, that American Family Association diarrhea of the mouth that instructs parents to hit their kids and claims there's a "homosexual agenda" that's destroying the family, and so on? I also had no religious music in my car, and I didn't listen to any of it either. She was so embarassed that I was not "letting the Holy Spirit live through" me like her other children did. My ex-husband (my children's father) was criticized for not attending Promise Keeper's meetings, and of course, our divorce was caused by the two of us losing our "spiritual focus." And about my divorce: she hated it! She would introduce me as her child that "doesn't have a spouse" and would tell people (who didn't care one way or the other) that my ex and I just "couldn't be nice to each other anymore." She was "so worried" about me. Her other children were happily married, and she had been married for 40 years herself. What would people think of her for having a divorced child?
So here's a sample of some of her "pearls of wisdom."
1. Promoting breastfeeding over formula is as offensive as advocating the use of KY over Vaseline.
2. If you gain more than 15 pounds when you're pregnant, you'll get too fat, which will make the baby get "stuck" because of the "fat" around your birth canal.
3. Don't breastfeed if you can get free formula from the WIC program.
4. Don't buy too many nursing bras because that breastfeeding gets real old really fast. [She should know. She never breastfed. Ever.]
5. If you're gonna be working and sweating, you should wear a full face of makeup because the foundation keeps the sweat from getting into your skin.
6. Playing classical music doesn't "glorify god."
7. Singing "praise songs" is not as "worshipful" as singing from the hymnal.
8. If one does not make a "profession of faith," then how will everyone know they are "saved?" They will go straight to hell if they don't make this "profession" to the entire church when they "accept Jesus" into their myocardium.
9. If you don't teach Sunday School and join committees, you are just a "bystander" and aren't "serving god like you should." Attending church every time the doors are open isn't good enough.
10. Having "premarital sex" is horrible. You shouldn't get a wedding shower or wedding gifts if you had sex before you got married, especially if the sex was with someone other than the person you're marrying.
I have to stop now, or else I'll vomit.