Tuesday, September 20, 2011

So What's She Really Like? Let's Start With Boundaries

Or an appalling LACK of them. These are examples from my own life, but you may find your own NM in here, or she may be equally disgusting in other areas...

1. She doesn't respect your privacy. When I was 14, she told AF that I had no pubic hair, and that she was sure I was shaving it off. She was convinced of this, or that there was something wrong with me because I didn't have to shave halfway down to my knees just to wear a swimsuit like AS did. That girl even had armpit hair at 9-years-old, which is odd to me. But she was the golden child. I was a late bloomer, and even today I would have a hard time growing the porn bush that woman had. How do I know what her pubic hair looked like? Because she was frequently naked around me. And how did she know about my lack of pubes? Because I had to be naked around her, whether I was ok with it or not.

And speaking of naked...

2. She has no concept of modesty. She chastised me for covering up. She would change tampons, wipe herself while sitting spread-eagle on the toilet, bathe, finger-douche her birth canal (it's the best way to describe her disturbing ritual for cleaning her weathered old stinkbox), and more in front of me. If I turned away or tried to leave the room, she would mock me for being so “modest.” She would leave the door open while she pissed and shat, regardless of who was in the next room. However, she would close the door if we had guests she didn’t know well.

3. She will tell almost anyone almost anything, no matter how private. She would describe her bowel movements in great detail to whomever happened to be around. She would talk about how she was “going little lumps” and that she wasn’t able to do any better than that. If the person being bombarded with this private and disgusting information made any sort of face to show their shock, she would talk about them later, saying they were too wimpy and delicate. Or dainty. Or not tough enough.

4. She is disgusting and crude. As if the above isn't evidence enough. When we were on vacation (when I was a teenager) we were at some park where they kept deer in a fenced-in area. Someone asked if there were any baby deer, and she replied that there were because, as she remarked about one deer, “Those tits look fresh sucked.”

5. She criticizes those who don't share her view of letting it all hang out. She would walk around in her bra and panties in front of my teenaged brother and his friends. One of his friends covered his face and tried to apologize for seeing her (even though it was her own fault), and she acted like he was crazy. She said, "Your mother must not walk around like this, or else you'd see that there's nothing wrong with it." When he said that his mother didn't, she laughed at him and later said that his mother "must just hide herself."

6. Her use of the English language is strange, both in public and in private. She was appalled that her children were teaching their own children to call their body parts by their correct names. Her name for “penis” was “goober.” Her name for “vulva” was “crack.” I still cringe when I remember her telling me and AS, “Wash your crack.” Of course her telling any number of houseguests and anyone within earshot about my experience with chickenpox when I was five was traumatizing, you know, because she just had to tell them about me having blisters all in my “crack.” Lovely. She mispronounced words frequently and would get angry when someone used them correctly. The ones that come to mind are the anatomy ones, such as "va-janna" for vagina, "u-truss" for uterus, and "sera-vix" for cervix. Once I told her that I read that Madonna had been a member of her high school thespian club, and she said that it was gross that Madonna was a "liz-bee-an."

7. She's inconsistent with her speech and actions. She would say all the nasty things above, but she thought the following words were bad and wouldn't allow us to say them: butt, butthole, fart (which she said was as bad as saying "fuck"), any profanity (obviously), fag, faggot, queer (although she herself was a huge bigot), crap, and dick. She would say "twat" frequently, not as an insult, but in describing someone's "va-janna." So when she didn't tell me to wash my "crack," she'd instruct me to wash my "twat."

I do want to apologize for the nastiness of my writing. I can be disgusting at times myself, but I use words to make others laugh, and I don't consider any words off-limits, provided the context is right. The thing that's important to remember is that people like NAM are missing the knowledge that other people are separate from them and have different opinions, wants, needs, and ideas of what's acceptable. If you don't think and act the same way as someone like her, she sees it as a threat, and then you will pay. And pay dearly.


pinkpearl said...

Whoa - that's some intense boundary-crossing. It's like she has literally no concept of boundaries. VERY strange.

My mother used to walk around half-dressed around us all the time and ALWAYS used the toilet with the door open. Seeing so much of my mother's body and its functions always creeped me out. It's not like she didn't know better - she NEVER did that around her Golden Child step-grandchildren.

I like how you call a spade a spade on your blog.

Sweetness said...

Thanks for commenting! I hesitated to be so blunt and open about all of this, but after the writing I'm seeing online from those of us with parents like this, I figured I wouldn't be the only one who had to live through this insanity. She really was (is?) a disgusting woman, but she thinks she's a a gift to humanity, and that the sun rises and sets according to her whims.

Pharctifino said...

My NM lived with us for a while when we baked her out of jail (long story), and she refused to use our toilet. We would watch her squat in the backyard, and if we attempted to get her to clean it up, or stop, or use the toilet, she would insist that it was our kids crapping in the backyard, despite her making sure that we watched her EVERY time.

N's are astounding.

Sweetness said...

You mean you didn't give her a toilet of her very own? How dare you! What else was she to do but fashion herself a grassy litterbox on your lawn?

Is there a special kind of therapy available for watching one's mother drop a deuce on the ground like a stray dog, and then deny doing it?

Anonymous said...

Phartctifino, Why you inconsiderate people! She WANTED you to "intuit" she expected you to build her a private-for-her-use-only outhouse in the back yard! I bet your crazy bitch thought a bidet was a water fountain for midgets.
Tundra Woman

jessie said...

Holy Moly, that's some world class boundary crossing!
My NMIL used to walk around in front of her sons in a bra and panties all the time. The whole family had no problem being in their underware and my BIL (a teen at the time) had no concept that you didn't walk around in front of strangers like that.
When I first met my husband, I was 20. We stayed at her house a couple of times. I slept in a t-shirt only, but always put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt when I left the bedroom. NMIL went out and bought me a lightly nighty (just like hers!) to wear because she felt SO BAD that I wore sweats all the time and didn't have "real pajamas". Um, OK. And bear in mind that there were three teenage boys in the house at the time (not including my husband) and his father. I would've died before I walked around in some silky little thing in front of them, but she didn't get that at all.

Anonymous said...

Wow, do I relate! Did we have the same mom? I'm adopted as well and went through some VERY similar stuff. Just seeing my mom's name on my phone screen prompts an almost involuntary eye-roll followed by a "What does she want now?" No boundaries, whatsoever. She used to tell everyone everything my sister and I did and every ailment we had, even the embarrassing ones. I dreaded getting a stomach virus because I knew she would be right there with a damn suppository. She literally couldn't stay out of my ass!

Here is my blog if you can relate (bear with me, I'm still building it):

Anna Valerious said...

Hey there Anon from 4/11/14. Welcome to crazytown.

Joan S said...

I don't mind this writing at all. I've yet to see it on the ACON blogs and it perfectly describes my mother as well. Except that my MN mother used to tell everyone when she was horny. I knew when my MN mother got horny even at six years old!

And all that stuff you pointed out about boundaries. Even taking a bath in our house was complicated due to everyone coming in and out.

When I got older I got very vocal about privacy. Then my mother told everyone I was scared to show my little ....

Thank you for pointing this stuff out. You've taken the secrecy I've always lived with and made it ok.