Sunday, November 6, 2011

Fantasy Island

When dealing with the N, and especially when it is your mother, you find that her grip on reality is often slippery.  Her accusations can be downright ludicrous, and it can often make you wonder where in the world does she get this stuff?

The biggest example that sticks out in my head is from when I was 19.  I had just finished my third semester of college, and I had been attending a college she was adamant I not attend.  Well, you understand, she had not gone there herself, and neither had AB nor AS, so it was not on the list of approved possibilities for me.  I had bought a car the year before, and it needed work from time to time.  She told me that AF could fix the car well enough for me to attend the university she attended, which was 1 hour away, but that he could not fix it well enough for me to attend the one 1.5 hours away.   

So in one of few attempts to branch out on my own, I went to this university.  I had to take out a student loan, plus get a job to help pay my tuition because I didn't qualify for free financial aid.  Even having a sibling in college didn't help.  And it's not like the faux parents made that much money.  Maybe $50,000 a year between the two of them (in 1991)?  So I went to this school, which my boyfriend attended (And boy did that drive her nuts.  This was the same boyfriend I ended up marrying.)  Well, after a semester of eating cafeteria food and staying in the dorm most of the time (because I couldn't take MY car), I gained about 10 pounds.  HOLY SHIT.  NAM went ballistic.  Every single time she saw me, she would say something about my weight gain.  Now, to be clear, I gained enough weight so that I was no longer underweight and was more normal looking (not "normal" for 2011, which means "obese").  I was getting compliments from people, which drove her NUTS.  Even AF and my brother kept saying that I looked good, and that it was about time I put on some weight.

Well NAM would have none of it.  She started the lecture one Saturday morning and claimed that the reason for my weight gain was that Boyfriend raped me, I got pregnant, and that I had an abortion.  It made perfect sense to her.  It didn't matter that it was absolutely insane.

After that, any time I had any kind of physical complaint (stomach ache, etc.) then it must have been caused by my "abortion."  AF even joined in on the insanity too, and I'm guessing that once NAM came up with her ingenious explanation about why I would do something so awful as to gain weight, she shared it with him so he would stop giving me compliments on how I looked.  


Anonymous said...

I've been reading your variety of posts on your blogs.

All of what you have been through - and yet you came out so freaking level headed!!! - is vomit-trocious (just the what you have been through part).

You have a super-resilient inner strength that is unmatched!


Sweetness said...

Thanks! I've been called "crazy" my whole life, but it turns out that those who called me crazy were the abusers themselves. It's taken me a long time to get where I am now (not blaming myself for everything) but even years ago, I knew deep down that something was wrong with how I was treated, and I could always imagine having a good life one day.

Anonymous said...

How do you know your boyfriend didn't rape you, and get you pregnant, and you have an abortion, but you have blocked it all out?
Yeah. That's what I thought.
Your mother is blessed with instinct beyond what people like you or I could ever imagine.
Look how quick she sized up the cause of your weight gain when you were submerged in so much denial.
You should get down on your knees and thank god for providing a mother with such supernatural powers.

Sweetness said...

She's such a gift to humanity, right? How the world survived before she was born is just amazing. What will we all do after she dies?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, we better ask her.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, the fantasies! Unfortunately I can identify.

My NM accused my husband of masterminding an evil plan to tear the family apart, and make her unhappy. The fact that our family has always been dysfunctional (thanks to her) is neither here nor there.

My father must have used witchcraft to get me to visit him.

I too have had an abortion.

And, oh yes, her teenage pregnancy was the result of witchcraft and nothing to do with premarital sex!