Monday, November 14, 2011

Perverted Nasty Ass Bitch

I already wrote about NAM's lack of boundaries here.  Pretty gross reading, so I do apologize.  I did remember more evidence of her lack of a filter between her brain and her mouth, so I will share it with you too.  Maybe writing helps it not feel so awful?  


There are some things a kid shouldn't know about her parents.  I wasn't so lucky.  Or should I say that NAM decided to bless me with an inside view of her private life, and when she would get mad at me, she would withhold this information as a punishment.  It was actually a relief to be "punished" in this way, but she would never believe it.  She was punishing me by not describing her vaginal discharge?  Boy did I feel so wounded and abandoned.


1.  No daughter should know her father's penis size, nor hear it described.  Nor hear that AF referred to himself as "pretty big" compared to other males.


2.  No child should know the private, sexual things her parents say.  NAM actually told me what AF said to her when he wanted to have sex and wanted her to get pregnant.


3.  No child should hear her mother describe her parents' foreplay on their wedding night.  I cringe when I remember her telling me that AF wanted her to grab his man parts, and she didn't want to because she was grossed out.


4.  No child should hear what her AF called his man parts in private.


5.  No child should hear how her mother cleans out her vagina after sex.


6.  No child should have to watch her mother clean semen off her sheets.


7.  No child should hear how much AF liked to have sex with NAM after her 6-week postpartum recovery was over because she was stitched up so tightly.


8.  No child should hear her mother describe the odor of her vagina when she's been sweating or hear that if she doesn't bathe properly, she is bothered by how she smells "down there."


9.  No child should hear her mother describe her hemorrhoids in detail.  Or hear how her anus used to look just like a baby's before she went through pregnancy and childbirth.


10. No mother should insist on looking in the toilet each and every time after her child used it, under the pretense of "checking for worms."  




I feel dirty and abused now.  
  


12 comments:

Jonsi said...

Oh! My apologies, I see that you have it set for comments to be automatically published. Feel free to delete if you feel it necessary!

Sweetness said...

I deleted your first comment since your email address was on it.

Anonymous said...

I am so very, very sorry, Honey. You are absolutely correct and it does NOT matter what age we are-5 or 105-to be the unwilling recipients of these kinds of disclosures. However, for a kid particularly as a small child it's far more traumatizing and there is NO acceptable excuse for this type of behavior. This isn't "bonding" or "girl talk;" it's simply another way they rob us of our childhoods and attempt to undermine our own boundaries-to get THEIR needs met.
I well remember many years ago-long before ED ads and "Dueling Bathtubs" appeared in commercials- my narcmother disclosed my father was impotent. That's one tough word for an 8(?)yr. old girl to look up in the dictionary. Between the dictionary and the Merck Manual I kind of figured it out. I well remember slamming the books (which were kind of sitting on my lap) shut, burying my face in my hands and thinking, "Why is she telling ME this? I DON'T wanna KNOW!" Interestingly, any discussion of sexuality by nacmother was unacceptable UNLESS it was about HER. There was no discussion of menstruation or my developing body (which she regarded with absolute distain), birth control, etc. aside from one comment to me when I got my first period: She hissed at me from behind the bathroom door through a small opening where she had snaked some belt-type contraption and a huge pad (no direction on how to make this all work together, which way is up etc.) "DON'T COME HOME PREGNANT!" To an 11yr. old.

Sweetness said...

Talking about your father's ED trouble when you were 8??? That's awful!!! I could see if you were a teen, and were talking about sexuality things already--particularly about boys/men things, and you were told in a way that let you know the condition was nothing to be ashamed of and also to start treating you more as an adult, but jeez!

You got me thinking about the double standard. She could be gross when it was about HER, but I couldn't talk about anything similar, even from a "Human sexuality" standpoint. Then sex was "sinful" and body parts were "dirty." Excellent topic for another post, or even food for thought. Thanks!

q1605 said...

Oh Gawd. You too? I am a guy but saw stuff from my mother that no man should ever see. NM used to walk around with her house coat open and no panties. She might clasp it closed with one hand while she was walking, but she would lay on the couch and it would be more open than closed.
In New Orleans on vacation at the age of about 6, I wanted her at the hotel pool so I could swim. Not her in the pool with me. Just needed an adult for supervision. I got a fact of life talk about periods and how she couldn't get in the water.
I am sure they miked their sex and ran it through a PA. I think everyone up and down the block could hear them going at it.
Yet my father was so awkward and stiff, I didn't dare ask him for a jock for football. And until I went no contact, there was no conversation with my mother that the word douche didn't find it's way in.
Take a douche-take a douche-take a douche. She had raging urinary tract infections...yet another thing I didn't need to know...but I am guessing her problem stemmed from the excess irrigation down south.
OH OH! She seduced my sisters first husband. Something that was kept under wraps until their divorce where in he taunted her with this fact. AND my mother actually said...sit down...no really.....sit down... How can you divorce a guy with such a big D***. If that were my father speaking in a way that indicated his carnal knowledge of my wife...divorce be damned, I would go straight over and pound him like loose shutters in a hurricane.
She once talked about not understanding why catholic priests that molested boys would be taken to task over it. Little boys are ..what did she say???...Her exact words escape me. The gist was that boys just like skin to skin contact and want it any way they can get it. My words... her meaning.
All women are trollops. Yet she screwed every guy that knocked on the door while my father was at work. Screwed his friends. Screwed the husbands of her "friend's"
These are just the hi-lites. I would go on but I feel the need to bath with industrial solvent, sand paper, and boiling water.

Sweetness said...

I bet you grew up feeling like you needed a moist towelette for your brain. It's one thing for a child to walk in while a parent is getting undressed and getting a quick glimpse of mom's beaver, but for her to show it off like some red-assed baboon in heat is just WRONG! Your mother sounds more sexual than mine was. She was never the seducing type. She never drank either, which may have made her nicer...who knows? Or it would have made her even meaner. If that's even possible. One thing that's true for all of us with N parents is that we were ill-prepared for many things that had to do with our bodies. We may have been told crazy, inappropriate things (which N's thought was "education) but real education about human sexuality just didn't happen. I'm guessing we all had sexual hang-ups to get over too. Love your writing, by the way.

Anonymous said...

This stuff is really awful, but like most ACoNs, you all seem to have really great senses of humor...I think mine is one of the reasons that I'm still sane. :)

My malignant narcissist of a mother had so many inappropriate discussions with me. I remember being around 6 or 7 and having to hear about how her husband at that time sucked in bed, and how she'd continue to stay with him anyway because he had money.

Fast forward, 2 or 3 divorces later, and she turned into superslut (I was about 16). She nailed everything with a penis within a 5 mile radius of our house - I'm talking slinging it out of both sides of her panties here! She even screwed my boyfriend's brother who then moved in with us and became a step-father figure to me! How was I supposed to respect a guy who I had been hanging out, smoking pot, and drinking with? She didn't care.

Anon

Katie said...

I just recently started reading blogs about Narcissistic Mothers. I feel so relieved to know that I am not alone in the world. Yes, I too, have had to listen to my mother discuss her vaginal discharge, sometimes at the dinner table.

Anonymous said...

Ur the reason I hate having a narc mother cus u say all women r Trollops?! Just cus ur mother was a slut( as was mine!! ) doesn't mean I and other women are all Trollops that's not fair I wud never cheat I'm in a stable relationship and far mor mature at only 21 than my mother was at my age she cheated on my dad on her long term bf afer that and had a kid with d man she cheated with and the. Got back with this guy and he cheated in her but she still lets him come by now and then even tho they don't love each other anymore he was a scumbag too jus good at covering it up he apparently had drugs on the toilet cistern and all the things bout them wher aired in front of us kids when they argued and I only fou d out she had cheated on my dad numerous times thru her bf shouting it to her infront of us kids seriously some ppl shouldn't be kept alive let alone breed!!! I rememebr being about 12, and she askin me of their was any nice boys in m class I got up the courage to tell her that I liked a lad and she said wel u shud talk to him um ok I was shy u shud be happy I wasn't trying to chat him up as a kid!!! it was like she was encouraging it?! She was like ' u know u can get pregnant now, ?) as I had got my periods by then um what was she saying exactly?! That if I was to have sex with a boy at only 12 that I shud at least use protection?!! How about encouraging me to be more confident and nurturing me instead of trying to fuck me up too !!? U jealous bitch I can't wait till she does , fingers crossed

Andrea said...

Oh Sweetness! You hit the nail on the head for me! Growing up with my Narcmom was like he movie "Mommy Dearest" exactly from scene to scene. My mother was and still is an alcoholic.

She used to let my dad massage my feet and suck my toes while she watched. To this day, I cannot bare to have anyone touch my feet. I feel incredibly violated.

I remember when I was 5 or 6, she and I were watching the news and the weatherman came on. She said,"That's one of my boyfriend. Don't tell your dad I told you." Turns out it was true. When my dad came home from work that evening, I, of course blabbered about it not knowing any different ad they got into a HUGE fight.

And when I got my period at 10, she actually drew a diagram of it but I had no idea what the hell she was talking about because she was a nurse and didn't use lamens terms with me. She refused to explain further so I could understand. When I kept asking her what she was talking about, she got mad and yelled, "Just don't ever come home pregnant! I don't want you using tampons or anything. " God bless!! If I had colored panties, they were "satan's panties"...no lie.

Everything about sex was taboo and off limits unless it came to her. She could talk to me about her and my dad's sexual acts and claim she was talking to me about the birds and the bees but it just all felt so wrong. She made my skin crawl with her filth. And she would always come home after work and tell me about how some of the doctors she worked for were flirting with her and that she didn't know which one to have dinner with. She's been cheating on my dad since day 1 (1979) And she would always brag about it to me. I never told dad but he eventually found out for himself in 2005 lol.

But throughout my childhood, whenever I got my period and I would be doubling over in nausea and pain, she would accuse me of being pregnant and take me to the doctor every month to make sure I was still a virgin. What a fucking bitch! I started taking antidepressants at 13 that the doctor would give me in sample form because my Narcmom had fucked me up so badly. The doctor was the only one who felt sorry for me.

Oh yeah and my mom also faked her death once in order to avoid my dad finding out about another one f her boyfriends. I had to receive the phone call from her boyfriend that she was dead.

I've just now started coming to terms with just how bad my childhood was. Between having my head pushed and rubbed into the bathroom floor tile because I didn't clean it well enough, being afraid of getting my period for the fact that I would immediately have to get my virginity checked, to her refusing to hug or kiss me or even speak to me when I did something bad, being told that I was ruining the family everytime I pointed out that she was drunk, and receiving hateful phone calls at 6am while away at college, I now have borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and major depression.

FUCK YOU NARCMOM!

Andrea said...

Sorry for the terrible typing. I'm on my iPhone and my screen is cracked so I can't see some of the words I type haha :) and some of you mentioned that you use your sense of humor to stay sane, I do the exact same thing! In fact, I'm a comedy writer and went to school in chicago for it. Laughter is absolutely the BEST medicine to deal with all this bullshit!

Sweetness said...

Andrea, you felt violated because you WERE violated. It's like we're all writing about the same person...that's how formulaic these monsters are. The damage they do is so insidious that we're left wounded many years later.

And no worries about commenting with the phone. It's especially funny when you're trying to "sext" on one, and it keeps correcting "cock" to "cocktail." Total mood-killer. ;)