Monday, June 11, 2012

NAM As A Grandmother: Part 2

It started when I told her I was pregnant with daughter #1.  I had gotten married just two months before and showed her my home pregnancy test.  She actually didn't believe I was pregnant.  I went for my first prenatal appointment a week later, and the first thing she asked was, "Did you get any results?"  She actually thought I couldn't possibly determine that I was pregnant without going to the doctor (to the same medical group she used).  She actually seemed surprised when I said, "Yes.  He confirmed that I'm pregnant."

I started swelling very soon and was unable to even wear my wedding ring to my 14-week appointment because my fingers were swollen.  She told me that Dr. wouldn't "allow" me to gain more than 15 pounds and wouldn't believe me when I said that the current recommendations were to gain between 25-35 pounds, and that her doctor actually gave me that information.  She got so mad that I was reading books about pregnancy and babies.  I think she was so threatened by me gaining any knowledge that she didn't give me herself.  Like all N's, if you do something different from them, it means you're saying that their method is worthless; therefore they are worthless and shouldn't exist.  How DARE you read something and get knowledge that they didn't give you?  Don't you know that they know everything!?!

I gained 55 pounds during that pregnancy because I was so swollen.  NAM was so "embarrassed" by my weight gain and told everyone she knew how "worried" she was about me and all the weight I gained.  It didn't matter that I had pre-ecclampsia, which ended up undiagnosed because of my shitty medical care.  I'd also had a raging UTI, which I never got treated for because my lab results didn't get sent to my doctor.  (I got this info by requesting my records after I delivered because so many things went wrong).  I would gain 5-7 pounds in a couple of weeks while vomiting 12 times a day, so there was something seriously wrong.  My blood pressure was still all jacked-up at my 6-week visit, but no one really gave it a thought.  Really bad medical care, and it wasn't like we lived in Somalia or something.

I mentioned in a previous post about her comments to me when I was having trouble finding maternity clothes.  She said "we could just take two sheets and sew them together."  I already felt gross, ugly, and unlovable--also because then-husband was grossed out by my pregnant body and its changes.

She had to inject herself into the baby-naming process too.  She picked what ended up being my daughter's first name (she goes by her middle name and has an old-lady first name that I hate).   She refused to call my second child by her first name because she said it sounded like an old man's name. 

And Jesus H. Christ.  The breastfeeding thing.  I posted about her problem with this already, but the woman had some fucking issues.  I think perhaps she had some kind of problem with her boobs being small and me having a rather nice rack as a teen?  Always complaining about my boobs and how they didn't look right.  Of course, this got worse when I was pregnant, and especially when I was nursing.

I should have slapped her in the face with my 40DD lactating tit.  She would have been out cold in no time at all.

3 comments:

vicariousrising said...

It's not nearly as bad as what you went through, but my mother gave me an extra small belt for Christmas when I was 8.5 months pregnant.

Tundra Woman said...

Mine gave me a moo-moo type thing for Christmas when I was 26....and maybe 125 lbs. I'm old enough to wear one now, but ah.....no thanks.
TW

jessie said...

Thanks for writing this. As horrible as she was to you, the thought of you smacking her with your boob made me chuckle! Wish I'd thought about that with my mom. She had such issues with me breastfeeding in front of her (I've yet to read your post on that, but look forward to it.). I always was expected to remove myself from the room...in my own home...while recovering from surgery.
I'm sorry that she couldn't be more supportive of you.