Monday, May 26, 2014

A Rule of the Narcissistic Universe

How many of us grew up with this?  It's very effective for ensuring the CoN keeps quiet about the dysfunctional family and helps the N-parent maintain his/her image of perfection.

"If you see the problem, you are the problem."

This holds true for a relationship with any narcissist.  However, those of us raised by one will have been conditioned for (likely) YEARS to accept this as normal.  Standard Operating Procedure, if you will.


Anonymous said...

I know this post on your blog is over a year old. But I just wanted to say how this one particular post hit home with me. I remember driving with my husband and describing a particular scene from my childhood to him as if it was "normal". He looked over at me in a very concerned expression and said to me..."Do you realize that what you told me is considered abuse?". Wow, I was shocked. My mother always had the rule "What goes on in this house stays in this house". I was not allowed to talk about family life to anyone, nor was I ever allowed sleepovers or any visits to friends houses. I am going to be 60 and I just found out my Mother and my Brother both are narcissists. But for some reason my instincts kicked in when I was younger and i moved away....well my husband moved me away. Maybe he saw what I couldn't....but my whole life I thought I was damaged goods that a Mother couldn't love. My Mother just couldn't love anyone....not just me. The only thing I worry about is if this is heredity. I would hate to think my children would become like her. They were raised in a loving home with a Dad and Mom that gave them a happy life. My brother is the scariest narcissist you ever want to meet. His eyes literally but out of his face. Physically abusive and molested me when I was younger. It so hard for me to admit the molestation....I didn't even realize what that was until the Josh Duggar stuff I was reading. I was always so ashamed and felt it was normal stuff that others went through too. I had no one to go to when I was younger and tell. I would have been beaten to within an inch of my life by my Mother and my brother (because I told) when I was younger. I will forever remain NC with him lest he blows us all away. I have been through hell and back in my childhood. For some reason I found all the answers I was looking for. There's so many of us out there. I am not alone and reading has helped me to understand and heal. Thank you for your post.

Anonymous said...

Having to go along with my nmother's fucking bullshit that she was the world's greatest mother used to do my head in. All I wanted to do was scream and expose her for the crazy bitch and narcissist she was. But who would believe me? I would be told I was the problem by narcissistic sympathizers and to respect her because "she is your mother". Yeah, and I was only her daughter who deserved no love or respect.