Saturday, September 27, 2014

In Honor of Father's Day

I wrote this post on another blog I used to update regularly before taking it down.  It's from 6/17/2012.  

I have issues with Mother's Day as I wrote here.  I'm less outspoken about Father's Day, but it still chaps my ass a bit.  I was the product of a married man cheating on his wife (from what I've pieced together because I never got a straight answer from anyone about who my father was).  I was adopted by the nutcases, and even though my adoptive father wasn't as unstable as my adoptive mother, he was less than warm and welcoming with me.  Well, I shouldn't say that really. 

As long as I did what I was told and didn't make them look bad, and as long as I acted like "the Holy Spirit was living through me" or some such shit, then he was fairly nice.  Not interested in my life or anything about me really.  Just an image of me that I was supposed to live up to.  A lot like the adoptive mother, only without the hair-pulling, beatings, screaming, and throwing shit.

He preferred a belt.

So, what does this have to do this particular blog? 

Perhaps I married a narcissist (ex#1), an emotional refrigerator (ex#2), and a psychopath (ex#3, the Talking Mask) because I had daddy-issues.  I wouldn't argue there.  Ex#2 didn't have children, and he still doesn't.  He's weird around kids.  Not as in I want to fuck them in the ass weird, but in I can't handle their honesty and innocence kind of weird.  Ex#1 has been a complaining, lazy, never-really-interested-unless-there-was-a-camera-around kind of father.  I'm currently trying to collect back child support payments and medical reimbursements, but he is making it about himself.  How hard things are for him.  How much he doesn't get to see them, even though he doesn't see them because he has laundry to do, or the drive might cost a little money, and hell, he has a $300 coffee maker to buy.

Ex#3 has treated his own child as an afterthought since she was born.  And so has her mother.  He dumped off the care of his child onto me very early on in our marriage.  It wasn't a big deal at first because, as any parent with more than two children knows, one more thrown into the bunch really doesn't make a difference.  But as soon as I didn't do everything for her because, oh I don't know, I had major back surgery or something, he would get so pissed off because he had to get her a snack.  Or drive her to school.  Or make sure she got dressed.  You know, the basics that a babysitting teenager could do with her eyes closed.

So, let's just say that in my own life, I've seen very little in terms of men who deserve to have a day because they blew a load into some woman and knocked her up.  Well, unless you count men that I see who aren't related to me who, what do you know, ACTUALLY PARTICIPATE IN THEIR KIDS' LIVES?

Completely foreign in my own.  I'm fascinated when I see a man actually pushing a stroller or holding a baby.  The first time it happened, I actually thought to myself, "WHY IS THAT MAN HOLDING THAT BABY?  DID HE STEAL IT FROM ITS MOTHER?"  I shit you not.  I realized right then that my experience had turned me into a howling-at-the-moon lunatic.

So overall I'm very much in favor of Father's Day, I guess.  I think men in general don't get enough credit for the caretaking they do.  I like to give credit where credit is due (in my own experience), so here goes:

Once during a time when Ex#1 had the children for a weekend, he was taking care of the middle one because she was ill.  He even gave her medicine for her cold symptoms.....

A dose 3 times over what she could take for her age and weight.  Having to call poison control because your child's father doesn't know the difference between "teaspoons" and "tablespoons" is an interesting way to liven up a weekend, I assure you.  She ended up ok because it wasn't caustic, and he got her to vomit it back up very quickly.

Fucking idiot. 

So Happy Father's Day to any of you who act like fathers, even if it's to kids not related to you.  You actually can affect a child's life more than you realize.


Anonymous said...

I'm reading my own life herein - it stings, and yet I am so very relieved to know it wasn't just me - people seem to think I'm some kind of ungrateful, anti-social jerk, but 'she' made me this way! I cut 'her' out of my life over 20 years ago, but 'it'/'she' STILL complicates my existence. 'She' has been dead now for about 5 years, but I get the impression she haunts me in my miseries ('that's what you get'). Anyway, as for this blog, THANK YOU for being here; it is cathartic, and although I feel pathetic for being this old (58) and this needy, at least now I know I'm not the only "snot nosed, born in the gutter, ungrateful, never-going-to-amount-to-anything, throw-away" slug I thought I was.

lee woo said...

Self-awareness is not self-centeredness, and spirituality is not narcissism. 'Know thyself' is not a narcissistic pursuit. See the link below for more info.


Anonymous said...

I couldn't have worded it better. You are so hilarious Anna the way you call a spade a spade. I sometimes call it a bloody front end loader. Some stick up their bum "christians" (I don't even give them a capital letter) have told me I'm just bitter and need ministry for my anger. Again lol! Of course they do because they are malignant narcissistic parents themselves.
I Hated fathers' day because my nfather(farter) was a complete prick. He never did anything to stop my nmother's screeching tirades or do ever protected me. He always said I was the problem. He was a belligerent, evil, malicious, bully who was always yelling. He would call me a wuss if I didn't stand up for myself and an aggressive, stupid nitwit if I did. That's why I always wanted to write on his fathers day(again no capital letters) cards "to the biggest fuckhead, unhappy fathers' day.

Anna Valerious said...

Have you noticed that when you try to tell someone about your parents, and they had "good enough" parents, that they just do NOT understand?

And for the love of a blood-soaked Christ on a dinner cracker...why is parenting considering to be some sort of criteria for an award? Family is earned. And I do apologize for not responding sooner.