I wrote this post on another blog I used to update regularly before taking it down. It's from 6/17/2012.
I have issues with Mother's Day as I wrote here.
I'm less outspoken about Father's Day, but it still chaps my ass a
bit. I was the product of a married man cheating on his wife (from what
I've pieced together because I never got a straight answer from anyone
about who my father was). I was adopted by the nutcases, and even
though my adoptive father wasn't as unstable as my adoptive mother, he
was less than warm and welcoming with me. Well, I shouldn't say that
As long as I did what I was told and didn't
make them look bad, and as long as I acted like "the Holy Spirit was
living through me" or some such shit, then he was fairly nice. Not
interested in my life or anything about me really. Just an image of me
that I was supposed to live up to. A lot like the adoptive mother, only
without the hair-pulling, beatings, screaming, and throwing shit.
He preferred a belt.
So, what does this have to do this particular blog?
I married a narcissist (ex#1), an emotional refrigerator (ex#2), and a
psychopath (ex#3, the Talking Mask) because I had daddy-issues. I
wouldn't argue there. Ex#2 didn't have children, and he still doesn't.
He's weird around kids. Not as in I want to fuck them in the ass weird, but in I can't handle their honesty and innocence
kind of weird. Ex#1 has been a complaining, lazy,
never-really-interested-unless-there-was-a-camera-around kind of
father. I'm currently trying to collect back child support payments and
medical reimbursements, but he is making it about himself. How hard
things are for him. How much he doesn't get to see them, even though he
doesn't see them because he has laundry to do, or the drive might cost a
little money, and hell, he has a $300 coffee maker to buy.
Ex#3 has treated his own child as an afterthought since she was born. And so has her mother. He
dumped off the care of his child onto me very early on in our
marriage. It wasn't a big deal at first because, as any parent with
more than two children knows, one more thrown into the bunch really
doesn't make a difference. But as soon as I didn't do everything for
her because, oh I don't know, I had major back surgery or something, he
would get so pissed off because he had to get her a snack. Or drive her
to school. Or make sure she got dressed. You know, the basics that a
babysitting teenager could do with her eyes closed.
let's just say that in my own life, I've seen very little in terms of
men who deserve to have a day because they blew a load into some woman
and knocked her up. Well, unless you count men that I see who aren't
related to me who, what do you know, ACTUALLY PARTICIPATE IN THEIR KIDS'
Completely foreign in my own. I'm fascinated
when I see a man actually pushing a stroller or holding a baby. The
first time it happened, I actually thought to myself, "WHY IS THAT MAN
HOLDING THAT BABY? DID HE STEAL IT FROM ITS MOTHER?" I shit you not. I
realized right then that my experience had turned me into a
So overall I'm very much
in favor of Father's Day, I guess. I think men in general don't get
enough credit for the caretaking they do. I like to give credit where
credit is due (in my own experience), so here goes:
during a time when Ex#1 had the children for a weekend, he was taking
care of the middle one because she was ill. He even gave her medicine
for her cold symptoms.....
A dose 3 times over what she
could take for her age and weight. Having to call poison control
because your child's father doesn't know the difference between
"teaspoons" and "tablespoons" is an interesting way to liven up a
weekend, I assure you. She ended up ok because it wasn't caustic, and
he got her to vomit it back up very quickly.
Happy Father's Day to any of you who act like fathers, even if it's to
kids not related to you. You actually can affect a child's life more
than you realize.