Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Time Marches On, And It's Usually Marching Straight Over To Kick You In The Gut

So much has happened in the last almost-two years.

1. My children are grown and are Facebook friends with NAM, along with other members of the NAF (narcissistic adoptive family). I have not seen the youngest in 5 years after she went to stay with their father and decided within a month that I was her sworn enemy. That was actually the trigger that drove me to alcoholism after several months.

2. The whole N adoptive family is FB friends with the most recent ex-husband, the one who would become threatening and violent if I did not have sex with him. The one who would break my things because he was convinced I was talking to other men or was cheating or wasn't as interested in him sober. He was right about the last one. I never would have had anything to do with him had I not been in such a physically weakened state from a relapse, believing his lies about losing weight and trying to have a better life. Still to this day, every time I see a fat Italian dude with back tits, I have a panic attack, fearing that he will come after me with a toddler-sized erection, demanding that I stick my finger in his ass while he masturbates (tweezer-style) with my tube of lotion. Maybe he was fantasizing about the women he photographed without their knowledge and saved the pics on his phone. Seriously. He would take shots of their butts while standing in line for fast food. Or take pics of the server's ass when at a restaurant. Ugh. If any of these women had been posing, I could understand it, but they had no idea. Such a fucking pig.

3. I almost died last March. Long story.

4. I have moved several times in a futile attempt to feel at home somewhere. Anywhere. I have realized that this will never happen. More on this as well.

5. I have been NC with the adoptive family since May 2017. I do not intend to deviate from this again. They do know I started this blog and may be reading it now. Of course I was told 2.5 years ago that I "lie so much that you start to believe it," and that NAM went to a shrink after the 2006 ambush and was told that I have a personality disorder. And the story of my origins was changed yet again. It's just too much to think about now.

More to come...

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